Not Good Enough

Well, this will be a personal post type.

This holiday I am doing nothing. Except for eating, sleeping and facebooking, literally.

This leaves a lot of time for me  to examine my life and think about things. And I don't think a person must be given almost two months to think about their life because to be honest, I have found many leaks in the pipe of my life. For example, I just feel NOT GOOD ENOUGH or up to the mark. I mean this world is a competition and I am losing. What the adults predicted is so true about how people get depressed when their friends gets more likes than them, thankfully, I haven't gone that deep into jealousy yet. But seriously, when people I follow in Instagram upload such wonderful pictures, I can't help but feel like I should try to do something like that but it's like trying to build a house with no equipment just because you saw someone with a mansion. Life is hard and what I need right now is to tell myself repeatedly, that I'm good enough for myself. And so I wrote this post so that I could make it clear, somehow thinking it to myself had no affect on me but I think typing it up will do a lot better. Sometimes I separate myself from others in hope that they will feel my non-existence and ask about me and that somehow cheers me up. These are very personal things that I do not want to share face-to-face because I find it naive in a way and also because I don't want people pitying me either. So instead I am blogging it out and even with no response, i somehow feel a surge f happiness thinking I've LET IT OUT. And due to this emotions now I finally understand what people mean when they say " Be true to yourself " or " Don't lose yourself in the crowd "

And I desperately pray to  find a place where I belong.